Why Counseling Should be More Like Dating (and vice versa)

Dating and counseling are two of my favorite relational forms! They may seem unrelated at first, but both share the goal of creating an unusual depth of intimacy in an unusually short period of time. To be a compelling counselor, … Continue reading

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The Intimacy Equation

If you want a fulfilling life, you need fulfilling relationships. But what makes a relationship fulfilling? In a word, intimacy. Intimacy is the experience of feeling genuinely connected instead of separate, sensing that you and someone else are a part … Continue reading

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How to Fulfill All Your Sexual Fantasies

Your relationship with desire strongly influences the quality of your life.  If you don’t know what you want, how can you be guided toward the things that will fulfill you most?  Unless you sense your own desire, how can you know … Continue reading

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What to Do When You’re Feeling Sorry for Yourself

No one wants to feel sorry for themselves. It’s got a pretty bad rap. I mean, who wants to wallow in self-pity, or stay stuck in the victim role, or dwell on the past? Yet we do feel sorry for … Continue reading

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Decolonize Your Mind

Your thoughts are not your own. Many of your most private, most personal thoughts are not actually yours at all. Think about it: you are no more the creator of your mind than you are of your body. Though you … Continue reading

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The Other Safe Sex Conversation

How do you decide if you want to have sex with someone? Presumably you would choose someone you’re attracted to in some compelling way. Mutual interest on their part also seems to be a key ingredient. Once you’ve got those … Continue reading

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How To Make Friends With Anyone

Just because you have friends, doesn’t mean you know how to make friends. There is an art to making friends, and not everyone learns it. Fortunately, even if you never learn the art, you can wind up with friends anyway. … Continue reading

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Getting Good at Getting Rejected

Here’s what’s great about getting rejected! Many of life’s most desirable experiences and meaningful relationships come from asking for what you want. If you’re too afraid of getting rejected, you won’t ask for what you want. If you don’t ask, … Continue reading

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Using Anxiety as a Path to Liberation

Why do you get anxious? Is anxiety just an unpleasant feeling you need to try to shake? Is anxiety merely a dysfunction that randomly takes over some people’s brains and needs to be managed? There is actually a lot more … Continue reading

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How to Live to 300

No one knows how long they’re going to live for. Nonetheless, when I ask almost anyone what age they think they’re going to live to, they give me a number. We act as if we’re going to live to 65, … Continue reading

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